Change Starts Here

Loneliness
   This is going to be a different blog. All of the others up to this point seem to be my opinions on any random topic that comes to mind any random day. But today I'm writing about loneliness. Loneliness isn't just a random topic for me, it is probably my biggest struggle that I go through in day to day life and today Ive decided to blog it out.
    So lets start here, "What makes someone lonely?" oh man.... So many things can lead to someone being lonely. In my case it seems to be a lack of meaning,, or feeling out of place. It's like whenever I feel like I'm not where Im supposed to be. It's like whenever I feel like I would be happier doing something else or being with someone else, if anyone at all.
    Loneliness isn't just not being around people, because believe me if it was than it would be the easiest thing in the world to over come. It is the fact that even when you're in a room full of people, you may never feel like anyone truly cares. You may never feel like you are number one in anyones life but your own. And it's hard. I mean look at me for example, right now Im alone on a Saturday night, sitting in my bed, writing a blog on my laptop, listening to the sound track of MoneyBall, wishing I could be anywhere but here. But honestly even if I wasnt in this physical spot that doesnt mean the mental loneliness would go away.
    Its a struggle everyday to make yourself remember that you are important even when you think youre not, even when the whole world seems against you and you feel like youre not going to make it through. And it may seem hypocritical of me to sit here and say "Yes! You can make it through!" because honestly, some days i really dont feel like that. But yes, you can make it through. Things do get better. It may not look like it all the time but eventually you things change and you dont realize it until its in your past.
    Looking back on the past year. Who i was and who I am. Things have changed, for better or for worse. And im not going to lie to you , yeah certain aspect of my life grew in leaps and bounds, but others havent gotten better. How about the fact that a year ago i wrote a letter to myself about getting over loneliness yet here I am writing a blog about the very same thing.
    Some things in life are easy to learn from and move on, while others you struggle with for a lng time, you may hope and pray that someday you will wake up and feel like the world is on your side but, it isnt. The world is out to get you and beat you down, to get me and beat me down. The reason Im writing this blog is because it honestly affects me. It is a struggle, a downfall, a weak point but I dont want that anymore. That letter I wrote held me to nothing. But this, this holds me to change. This says that I am trying, that I am going to keep trying. And In a year I will be able to look back and know that this blog affected my life, for better or worse that it played a role in the person I am  going to become.  It's important to remember that you are important. That you can change your own life and make it whatever you want to make it. That you can become whoever you want to be. To not run from yourself but embrace it... Sometimes when life gets the roughest you should really look to yourself for a change. Dont wait on the world to change for you.
Change starts here.


--This entry is a subject that is personal to me and this blog is my outlet. Thanks for reading.